i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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