paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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