i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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