I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Everything about him screamed your future.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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