I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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