maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
