where does the pee come out of this thing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
