I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
