I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
