yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
