I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
