So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
