so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
