mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
