Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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