I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
