My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
