the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
