In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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