I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
