yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
