IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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