I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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