Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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