just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
