dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
