He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
