I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
