So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
