i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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