Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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