What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
