I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
