i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
