I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
