Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
