A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
