That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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