wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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