Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
