you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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