just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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