Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
