one two three fourrrrnication!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
