Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
