Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
