Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
