good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
