You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
