smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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