Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
