I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
