I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
