I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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