drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
