hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
